I like to think I’m not a terribly grand braggart, but amongst my other prized attributes (including extreme propensity for dying my hair and a perfectly colour-organized closet), I can’t help but boast about how I’ve never spent a night in the hospital.
Similarly, up until this week, I couldn’t remember the last time I was on antibiotics or was sick from non-self-induced reasons. People used to say “you know, you really shouldn’t brag about that, karma will probably get you”. Well, I didn’t believe in karma. I believed in my kick-ass immune system.
WHAT A MORON.
Since I moved out of my sea shanty downtown apartment into my ballin’ new house in mid-town I have been somewhat badly injured not once but three times. That’s once every other week. How infuriating.
The first time I pulled (strained?) a muscle in the left side of my chest. Sounds bad ass right? Wrong. I had been brushing my teeth in the bathroom when I realized I forgot something (what did I forget? I have no idea – guess it wasn’t THAT important, now was it Stockley?) in my bedroom. I was wearing socks and took the corner from the bathroom into my bedroom when I wiped out. Feet flew out from under me, I landed hard on my knees while apparently doing some obviously really graceful side lunge or similar to break my fall and when I did that i managed to pull the muscle. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t lift my arm as high as my shoulders, all I could do was be this crying 27 year old on the floor. I even had to miss the next day at work!
When people asked why I had been out, I first channeled my inner Jenna Marbles and tried to concoct a wild, unbelievable, sympathy-provoking or awe-inspiring reason for pulling (or whatever) a muscle in my chest. Robbers? Super heroes? Rescuing a kitten from a tree for an elderly stranger?
In the end I went with “oh, I just had a little slip and fall”, a statement dripping in bravado, because everyone knows that “slip and fall” is just code for “I’m too embarrassed to explain what actually happened”. In my case, “I took a hard corner with far too much vigour”.
After that incident I said to myself – well, Stockley, that really is what you get for bragging about how infallible you’ve been for all these years. But one month later…
I was throwing around the softball on a beautiful summer day. Ah, what a glorious moment! Sun was shining, it was actually hot and I just friggin love playing catch. I was playing with a guy who is big and strong and threw the ball over my reach. In typical Stockley-fashion, I took off running after that ball and tripped over some unlevel ground and fell real hard on my ankle. Oh, what a sin, you might be thinking. Well, quit it! I was wearing Birkenstocks like a moron who THINKS SHE’S INFALLIBLE. Quite frankly, I deserved that sprained ankle.
Because it was awful and we were in the middle of the park, I experienced a personal nightmare come to real life when I had to be piggy-backed across the park. In the words of one GJ, I am “annoyingly independent”, so being carried in front of a park full of people was enough to make me just wish i had been at the office that day instead of playing outside. I later had to be carried – old school husband-carries-wife-across-the-threshold style – into my house. Good sweet Jesus just end it all now, would you?
That was two weeks ago today and you know what? The ankle is still a bit swollen. Good grief I’m not the girl I once was.
Finally, we get to last Saturday. In even more typical Stockley fashion, no series of events or performance of any kind would be complete without some grand closing act.
Owing to my great love of softball and being outdoors and despite my still-slightly-sprained ankle, last Saturday I just had to play in the Cox & Palmer annual charity softball tournament. As per its name, this is a tournament hosted by and for the law firms here in Town. It has historically been amazingly fun with McInnes Cooper having an outstanding track record of never having won a single game. How could I miss out on this?
So, off I went. It may have been that tensions were a bit high in the third match against a team to remain unnamed. In a great effort to be really awesome and show ’em who was boss (namely, one Nick Leamon who hit a series of inside-the-park home runs and is now the object of no less than four different lawyers’ affections), I may have took a bit of a slide round or about first base. I’m not willing to admit I slid into base because that’s not allowed in softball. I am similarly not willing to admit I tripped. So…let’s just accept at face value that I took a bit of a slide.
That was fine and dandy and I carried on playing. Who knows exactly when and who knows exactly why, but in a later game I once again was running to round or about first base and I, again, took a bit of a slide. Again, I admit neither intentional nor accidental sliding. In any event, following that slide my leg was looking truly like that of a real hero. I was going to sit out at this point when someone told me enough people had bailed on that final game that I had to play in order to have players. So I did. Selfless, I know. Stupid, this I also know.
After the tournament (of which MC finally had a great victory over StuMac!) I went home and tended to that hurt leg of mine – Polysporin, bandages, elevation, rest, ice, compression – you name it, I did it. But to no avail, that leg simply would not heal. In fact, it did the opposite. It got worse, and worse, and worse. On Sunday it was bad, but I took the opportunity to rest, relax and take in the World Cup finals!
Finally, it had gotten to the point where I was in pretty bad pain just sitting down. Accompanying this discomfort was a nice red hue colouring most of my leg. I started to think – this just can’t be right. So, off I went to the ER. I told the triage nurse – ya know, i think it’s probably nothing. You wouldn’t know this about me, but I actually have a really impressive immune system so I’m afraid I just can’t actually be that badly injured.
In response to this, the triage nurse and the ER doctor told me right where to go: on an IV antibiotic for the rest of the week. From Monday night to Thursday morning I went to the ER twice a day to have an IV to fight whatever horrible thing had happened to my leg.
On Thursday evening the McInnes Cooper associates and students were going zip lining in Petty Harbour at North Atlantic Zip, which is the longest zip lining course in Canada and which I was not about to miss. I asked every single nurse and doctor at the ER “can I pleeeeease go zip lining”, to various answers. I finally met this one nurse who seemed to be really impressed by my sliding at softball and who was also into sports – he was on my side right away. I chose to hold fast to his word and thus to my dream (because you know what happens if dreams die…) and off I went to beautiful Petty Harbour to do a summer adventure I had been dying to do.
I feared I would likely injure something else – I had no great guesses of what it might be as zip lining seems pretty injury-proof, but with the luck I had going I figured it had to be something.
Surprisingly, I walked away unscathed but after having the most amazing time. If you ever have the time, money and inclination to give it a shot, NAZ is an amazing experience!
It’s now been a week since the softball injury. The IV is now done. The ankle is just barely swollen. I can’t even really recall the “slip and fall” accident anymore. Jen, my concert pianist friend, reminded me that “these things happen in threes!”, so I’m very hopeful that from this point onwards I’ll be just fine. I better be, because between going home to Twillingate for the annual Fish, Fun and Folk Festival and then to Ireland with my favourite gal pals from childhood a week later, there are simply too many things to do for my karma from my past health-bragging to make another appearance.